What to Do Before You Tell Your Spouse You Want a Divorce
If you are thinking about telling your spouse you want a divorce, pause.
Not because you’re wrong.
Not because you should stay.
But because preparation changes everything.
One of the biggest mistakes women make is leading with emotion instead of strategy. You’re honest. You’re hopeful. You want to “do it the right way.” Meanwhile, many men respond by protecting themselves—financially, legally, and emotionally—often immediately.
This isn’t about being sneaky.
It’s about being smart, safe, and steady.
Here’s what you should do before you say a word.
1. Gather Your Financial Documents (Quietly)
Before you announce anything, collect:
Bank statements (all accounts)
Retirement accounts (401k, IRA, pensions)
Credit card statements
Mortgage documents
Tax returns (last 3 years)
Business records if applicable
Why? Because once divorce is on the table, documents have a way of “disappearing.” This is not paranoia. It’s an unfortunate reality.
2. Understand What You Don’t Know
Many women live in financial fog during marriage. Not because they’re incapable—because they’re busy carrying everything else.
Ask yourself:
Do I know our full monthly expenses?
Do I know all sources of income?
Do I know all debts?
Do I know where the money actually goes?
If the answer is no, that’s normal. It’s also exactly why you prepare first.
3. Open Your Own Account
If you don’t already have:
A checking account in your own name
A credit card in your own name
Do that now. Not to drain joint funds. Not to “hide” money. But so you are not financially paralyzed if things get tense. Independence is not betrayal.
4. Think Through Safety (Even If You “Don’t Think He’d Ever…”)
Every woman says that. And most are right.Until some are not.
Preparation includes:
Where would I go if I needed to leave?
Who could I call?
Do I have access to cash?
Are my important documents secure?
This is not being dramatic. This is being adult and realistic.
5. Don’t Tell Friends Before You Prepare
Well-meaning friends talk. Family members confront. Information leaks.
You get one first move. Make it a strong one.
The Truth No One Tells You
Divorce is not just an emotional event. It is a legal and financial transaction.
You don’t announce a major business negotiation before reviewing the numbers. Your life deserves at least that level of respect.
Preparation is not cold. Preparation is loving yourself.
Want Help Getting Prepared?
This is exactly why Breaking Upward exists.
We don’t push you to leave.
We help you get ready—so whatever you choose, you’re not blindsided.
