How to Interview a Divorce Lawyer: Questions That Actually Matter
Choosing a divorce lawyer is not like choosing a dentist.
This person will influence:
Your finances
Your custody outcome
Your stress level
Your future stability
And yet, many women hire the first lawyer who “seems nice.” Nice is not a strategy.
Why This Decision Is So High-Stakes
A bad lawyer can:
Prolong your case
Inflate your fees
Escalate conflict unnecessarily
Miss key financial angles
Cost you leverage
You are not hiring a therapist. You are hiring a strategist.
The Questions You Should Actually Ask
1. What is your approach to my type of case?
Listen for:
Strategy
Specifics
A plan
Red flag: vague platitudes.
2. How do you typically handle high-conflict spouses?
You want:
Calm
Controlled
Firm
Not:
“We’ll crush him” energy
Or “we’ll just see how it goes” energy
Both are expensive.
3. How do you help clients control legal costs?
If they can’t answer this clearly, run.
A good lawyer is cost-aware. A bad one benefits from your chaos.
4. Who will actually be working on my case?
Partners sell. Associates bill. Know who is touching your file.
5. How do you communicate with clients?
Divorce is emotional. Silence is destabilizing. You deserve responsiveness.
What You’re Really Looking For
You’re not looking for:
The meanest
The loudest
The most aggressive
You’re looking for:
Strategic
Calm
Experienced
Clear
Power does not need to shout.
Breaking Upward Insight
One of the most common regrets women share with me is: “I wish I’d chosen differently.”
This is fixable. Before you sign.
